When Harry Met Draco
by vibratojen
Summary: When strangers Draco and Harry decide to get to know each other better over dinner at a local diner, it sparks an adventure that neither of them would have ever expected.
1. The Worst First Date Ever

Title: When Harry Met Draco

Chapter 1: The Worst First Date Ever

Disclaimer: Obviously I own nothing.

Other note: Any teasing in this story is purely fun. I'm not trying to offend anyone! And please stick with me 'til the end!

Harry Potter was bored. Extremely, excruciatingly bored. The braid-your-eyebrows kind of bored. And he was nauseated.

_No man, straight or gay, should have to suffer through this_, he muttered to himself, cringing at yet another glass-shattering shriek being emitted from behind the dressing room door.

When the door was swung open violently and hit the wall inches away from his face, he jumped and glared at the ginger-haired woman before him.

"Isn't this dress absolutely _gorgeous_, Harry?"Ginny Weasley squealed, twirling maniacally in front of him, trying to model, but looking like some kind of deranged ballerina.

He groaned. This was about the millionth item he had been subjected to, and frankly, he would rather her parade around naked than have to give his opinion on yet another article of clothing.

He didn't say this of course, but stuck with the same noncommittal response he had given every other dress, shirt, skirt, and yes, bra and panty set, that he had been shown throughout their shopping expedition. Sometimes it sucked playing for the other team.

"Mm-hmm," he answered, sighing and wondering what kind of idiotic logic would give women the idea that a man, who liked men and men's clothes, would know what the hell kind of heels to wear with garters and a boustiere or what kind of thong to wear or any other fashion crisis that women so frequently annoyed him with.

"Do you really think so?" she nagged, smoothing out the crimson fabric.

"Sure...it matches your..." Harry searched his mind for some bogus comparison, but only could come up with... "freckles."

Ginny was particularly sensitive about her freckles. Perhaps a bit too sensitive. She burst into tears and rushed into the dressing room, and Harry could hear her whispering fiercely to her shopping buddy and best friend, Hermione Granger, and could see the dress being ripped off and flung into the dressing room next to theirs.

He was going to get it now.

Harry's skull was nearly crushed again when the door was flung open, this time by a pissed Hermione Granger who stomped in front of him, wearing only her knickers and an old t-shirt.

"How could you say such thing to her? You know how sensitive she is about her freckles! And it's her time of the month besides..."

Harry crinkled his nose. That was just too much information.

"Listen Hermione, we've been here for three hours! You've tried on nearly half the store! I'm running out of things to say, and my arse has fallen asleep so many times it is in a comatose state. I don't think I'll be able to enjoy sex for at least a month!"

"Well you don't have to get so snippy. You're the one who wanted to come with us, if I may remind you."

"The only other choice I had was to stay at The Burrow and watch naked mud wrestling with Dean and Ron! God knows what goes on in that house while that's on the telly. The last time they watched it I found some rather disturbing stains on the couch when I returned to The Burrow that night."

Hermione put her hands on her hips. "Well, you could try something on yourself you know. You've needed a new wardrobe since you left the nudeness of your mother's womb behind."

"I like my clothes, thanks very much. They're comfortable, and friendly."

"It's pretty pathetic if the only things that are _friendly_ enough to cling to your arse are a pair of pants."

"Hey! For you information, I'm just not_ interested_ in attracting anyone right now. They're are people who would cling to my arse if I really _wanted_ them to!" he argued childishly, suddenly feeling self-conscious about his clothes and his lack of boyfriend.

"Suit yourself, but Ginny still hasn't found a dress to wear to the after-party of the after-party of her wedding gala, so you still have awhile yet. I would suggest finding something to amuse yourself with until it's time to leave. We don't want to have to carry your arse home on a stretcher."

With that, she marched back into the dressing room and banged the door shut.

Find something to amuse yourself with, ha, he said under his breath, the only two things he could think of being to have sex or shoot himself in the head, and neither of those were appropriate in a store with young children running around. He leaned back against the wall, banging his head a few times, wishing that he had stayed for the mud wrestling. Stains on the couch seemed like heaven compared to this.

Draco Malfoy was having an equally horrific time in an upscale shoe store a few blocks away. He loved his friend Pansy Parkinson like a sister, but at times such as these, he wanted to wrap his hands around her throat and strangle her until she fell limply to the ground.

While he was smiling to himself over this secret fantasy, (and earning himself frightened looks from the other store patrons) he winced as Pansy kicked him in the shin.

"Must you do that to get my attention? I'll be black-and-blue by the morning," he said as he rubbed his sore leg.

"Well if you wouldn't keep drifting off, I wouldn't have to," she replied in a haughty tone. "What are you thinking about anyway?"

"Oh, nothing," he answered, seeing a ladder a few feet away and wondering if it would be possible to hang her from it with his shoelaces.

"What do you think of these to go with the dress I bought the other day? You know, the black one?" she asked, sticking her foot in front of his face to show him a shoe that looked identical to the ones she had just showed him.

"You mean the short, skimpy black dress that looks like it was made out of tissue paper? Cheap tissue paper?"

"It's a Versace, I'll have you know, and it cost me a small fortune," she growled as she took of her shoes in a very unladylike manner.

"Ah, Donatella. I know her well. She used to come to the manor in the summer for about a week or so...she's a very good friend of my mother. She used to bring a whole rack of dresses for the fall season, and she used to let Mama try them on before anyone else. And when they were gone, I would sneak in and take them and try them on with Mama's shoes and..." he stopped, realizing Pansy was looking at him with a very horrified expression.

He blushed and cleared his throat. "Well, they were very pretty, and I..."

"Riiiiiight," Pansy said, who looked like she was thinking about chucking him in the loony bin.

Draco sat back in his chair with a huff and crossed his arms in front of his chest. It wasn't his fault he had had a childhood fetish for women's clothing. _Good thing that's over now_, he thought, absent-mindedly squirming in the chair. Lace underpants were most uncomfortable sometimes. _Well, almost over._

When Pansy had finally chosen a suitable pair of shoes that covered more of her than the actual dress, they continued walking down the posh London street, window-shopping, and in Draco's case, lugging Pansy's many purchases of the day. _Why didn't I think to have the limo waiting for us_ he whined to himself. _The driver wasn't available. Couldn't his wife give birth in the front seat, or something?_

When they passed a nail salon, Pansy squealed.

"Oh, I've needed my nails done for forever Draco. Come on, let's go in."

If there was one thing Draco hated more than shoe shopping, it was manicures. There was a universal smell that nail salons had, with the polish and other chemicals floating in the air that made his stomach turn. Besides the fact that he was a man in a nail salon. Occasionally he would find a miserable husband that had been dragged along sitting dejectedly on a bench in the front of the salon, but when he sat down and tried to smile sympathetically, they usually looked at him funny and moved away from him.

_Am I that flaming that even my sympathetic smiles make straight guys flee from me?_

But there was no other man there today when he followed Pansy into the salon, and he didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. The smell that nauseated him so and which seemed to follow him for days after was still there, and wondered how Pansy managed to rope him into these outings.

_Maybe you'll meet somebody Draco. Today is the day you'll find him._

_If you came with me, maybe you'll find a cute shoe-salesman to date. They're usually gay, right?_

He sighed. He had resigned himself to his single fate a month ago, saying that if he would ever sink to the level of desperateness to actually date a lowly shoe salesman, who smelled like leather and socks and had a strange fondness for foot massages, he just wouldn't date it all. And looking back at the past few months, devoid of any kind of romantic or sexual pleasure, he had certainly not failed himself on his promise. But even after this, Pansy's words still gave him foolish, false hope, and he cursed himself again for falling for them as he watched an Asian woman scrape some pretty nasty looking stuff off some lady's feet while giving a pedicure.

_And men are supposed to be the disgusting, unclean ones? I think those foot scrapings could give an unshaved face a run for its money any day._

While Pansy enjoyed ordering the poor little girl who was giving her a pedicure around and watching her kneel before her like she was some kind of royalty, Draco was awoken out of a daydream by the sound of a door opening, and the obnoxious girly giggles that followed it. He glanced over at the door, only seeing a pretty redhead and a bushy-haired brunette shuffle through. But when he glanced back, his inactive libido slowly sprang to life when he saw the male confection following the girls.

He was positively delicious. His tall, muscled physique was no secret. His snug t-shirt and jeans left very little to the imagination. Which Draco liked, because unless it came to ways he could kill Pansy, he had little imagination. This is what told Draco immediately that this guy was on his side of the fence, and could allow him to peruse the man further. He had the most arrestingly charming green eyes, sparkling behind a pair of square, black-framed glasses that Draco had to admit were pretty sexy in their own right. His full lips were pouting, probably because it seemed to Draco he was in a similar predicament...he was a shopping hostage.

Draco was really taken by the man's hair, which was the darkest black he had ever seen. It was long and thick, and pulled back into a ponytail.

In other words, Draco thought this guy was pretty damn hot, and from the looks of it, as gay as Draco's David Beckham photo collage.

Draco scooted over on his bench, hoping the man would sit down. He was not disappointed. The man flopped down on the bench and checked his watch, trying to summon some magical power to make time go faster. He, however, was disappointed in that respect.

When the man finally noticed Draco sitting next to him, he turned and acknowledged Draco, his eyes sweeping over him with a practiced touch. Draco decided that he would employ his no-fail sexuality test, because really, he would shag any man in tight pants at this moment.

Draco smiled his sympathetic smile, and to his huge pleasure, it was returned. In fact it was such a sweet smile that Draco found himself with a little bit more imagination than he was used to.

"So, you got dragged along on a shopping spree, as well?" the man asked, noticing the many parcels Draco was holding.

"Unfortunately yes," Draco answered. "Shoes, dresses, makeup, the whole damn thing."

"Then I'm not the only one who's conned into these things," the man replied.

"It appears not. Every time I promise myself I'll stay strong, but the idea of a woman getting her toenails clipped is just too alluring."

The man laughed understandingly and held out his hand.

"I guess we're of the same mind then. I'm Harry."

Draco hesitantly took his hand and shook it. "Draco."

When Draco let go of Harry's hand, he discreetly moved closer to Harry on the bench. But when he tried to smile flirtatiously, his stomach grumbled in the most unattractive way. He cursed Pansy for not letting him eat something this morning, and looked back at Harry, hoping he hadn't noticed.

He had however, and was giving Draco a goofy smile that was the most wonderful thing Draco had seen all day.

"Sounds like you need a bit of nourishment," Harry observed.

"I suppose so," Draco answered, trying to look anywhere but into Harry's eyes.

Out of the corner of his eye, Draco saw Harry hesitate for a minute before saying,

"I saw an American-style diner down the street, and I've had a craving for a hamburger for the longest time. Would you like to come with me for a bite to eat?"

Harry's invitation was rushed and feeble, so Draco figured it had been awhile since Harry had picked anyone up.

Before he could accept the invitation, (even if it was to a DINER) his stomach growled again, even louder than before.

"I guess that's your answer," Draco replied, looking slightly embarrassed.

"Great. I'll just tell my friends and we can go," Harry said, getting up and walking over to two pedicure chairs his friends had sat it.

While Harry was letting them know what was going on, Pansy had begun to look curiously over in Harry's direction, her eyes showing definite approval in his appearance. When Harry pointed to Draco, all three girls looked over at the lone man on the couch, who was giving them all one of his dazzling smiles. Pansy, used to his charms, merely smirked and seemed delighted that Draco had managed to snare a man in a nail salon, and mouthed, "I told you so." However, Hermione and Ginny nearly swooned in their pedicure chairs, giving Draco a boost of arrogant confidence that he hadn't felt in a long while. When Harry returned, Draco stood, waved slightly to Pansy, and left with Harry for the diner.

As they were walking down the street, Harry couldn't remember a time when he felt more relieved to be outside. He had endured a shoe store and a trip to the florist, all wedding preparations, after the clothing store, and was ready for some male accompaniment. By the looks of it, Draco felt the same way.

Harry used this opportunity to steal a glance at Draco. He really was quite a handsome man. He was a few inches shorter than Harry, probably about 5'10" or so, and had shortly-cropped blonde hair that Harry recognized on a model from the front of a fashion magazine he had seen in a clothing store earlier today. He had pale, creamy skin, the most unusual gray eyes, and a perfectly sculpted nose that seemed to have come from an old Grecian statue.

Draco was a bit skinny for Harry's tastes, but seeing as how his only dates thus far had been Brad Pitt in Thelma & Louise and the body part at the end of his arm, he figured that he should just take what he could get. And Draco was certainly a fine enough taking to amuse himself with.

Sooner than Harry would have liked they arrived at the diner with the name of "Sally's Come and Go". Harry figured that the name was derived from the drive-through portion of the restaurant, but he couldn't help letting out a slight giggle as he read the sign.

It was decorated like a normal retro 50's diner, with chrome and red leather and a counter with stools. There were Elvis records and all other sorts of memorabilia on the wall, and the smell of hamburgers wafted from behind the kitchen door.

The stood inside the door for a moment, not sure whether to just sit or to wait for a waitress.

Their dilemma was quickly solved when a woman roller-skated up to them in a skimpy pink outfit.

"Hello, and welcome to Sally's Come and Go! Where would you handsome boys like to sit today?" the perky blonde asked, winking at them in a way that made women seem less attractive to Harry and Draco, if that was even possible.

"Uh...inside?" Draco replied, not seeing any other place to eat a meal.

"Good! And would you like to sit at a booth or a table?" she asked again, still as perky as ever.

"A booth?" Harry replied, thinking of his sore arse.

"In the front or back of the restaurant?" she asked again, her eyes twinkling less bright than they had before.

"The front?" Draco answered, wondering why the lady wouldn't just seat them somewhere already.

"On the right or left side of the restaurant?"

"The right, whatever, can we just be seated? Does it really matter?" Draco huffed.

"Well, there's no need to use that tone. We here at Sally's Come and Go like to make our guests feel as comfortable as possible," the blonde said stiffly, looking at them with a hint of menace.

Harry, who had had enough of hormonal women for one day, simply said, "Look lady, we have had the piss taken out of us a hundred times over today, and really would just like to sit and eat somewhere, whether that be in a booth or in the loo. Would you kindly give us two menus and seat us somewhere?"

The lady grabbed two menus and skated violently over to a booth in the front of the right side of the restaurant and threw them on the table. "I'll be back to take your order soon," she said through gritted teeth, skating back behind the counter.

Harry sat on one side of the booth and Draco the other.

"Has everyone gone mental these days?" Draco whispered across the table.

"Well, I've certainly never had such a thorough waitress."

"Well, she seemed a bit odd to me...did you feel it?" Draco asked, looking back at the waitress curiously.

"The look in her eyes was kind of odd...but maybe she was just having a bad day."

"You're probably right," Draco said, leaving those thoughts behind and striking up a new conversation with Harry.

Being seated where they were, they didn't see that very same waitress whispering frantically into a mouthpiece in a corner of the kitchen.

The waitress returned about ten minutes later and took their drink orders, a fake smile once again plastered on.

"Want to share a bottle of wine with me?" Draco asked.

"Wine? In a diner?" Harry said, thinking the waitress wasn't the only who had gone mental.

"Well, you know what they say, cheap wine makes you drunk faster!"

"Umm...sure," Harry said, thinking that a little alcohol could do just the trick right now.

"What kind of wine do you offer?" Draco asked, making the woman jump. Harry had noticed her staring out the window through their whole conversation, and was beginning to agree with Draco on her level of sanity.

"Wine did you say? We actually distill all of our wine right here at the diner!" the blonde said, still stealing looks out the window.

"At a diner?" Harry said, slightly bewildered.

"Perfect!" Draco said, throwing down his menu. "Distilling our own wine" usually meant mixing some kind of potent alcohol with white grape juice, and seemed a good choice if they were going to have to deal with this same waitress the whole meal.

"I'll be right back," the waitress said, roller-skating behind the counter.

When she moved, Harry and Draco could see some of the other patrons staring at them.

"What's with the people at this place? It's starting to give me the willies," Harry said, scooting further into the booth.

"I don't know," Draco replied, "-but something is not right."

"So, where do you li-" Harry was cut off by the sound of the door being flung open and about 15 members of the London Police filing through the door and to their table, guns drawn. Looking out the window, Harry and Draco could see more officers outside guarding the entrances to the diner. The other patrons looked at them with horror.

Paralyzed with fear, they struggled to do as they were told by a burly police officer in the front, and put their hands over their head and knelt on the floor in front of their table.

Soon, their waitress skated in front of them with a gun drawn as well, and a shiny badge pinned onto the front of her outfit.

"You two are under arrest for illegal prostitution, the selling of narcotics, and the smuggling of exotic fruit," she said in a cool, authoritative voice. "I am undercover agent Sirius Black, and will be escorting you to the police station for questioning, and I'm sure, a quick trial that's your ticket to the grimiest jail in England."

As Draco cried, "What!", Harry realized "Sally's Come and Go" was a lot more than a diner.

"We have done no such things!" Draco yelled, looking back and forth between Harry and Sirius.

"Right, and I'm wanted for murder," Agent Black said sarcastically, earning titters of laughter from the police behind her.

"We've been on your trail for about six months. You sat in the right booth, ordered wine of all things, and match the descriptions of our perps exactly. Blonde hair, grey eyes, black hair, green eyes, it all fits."

"But why would I, Draco Malfoy, be a pimp or a drug smuggler? I have enough money as it is!" he argued arrogantly.

"Aha! You're a Malfoy are you? Our source said that a Malfoy was behind this scheme." She looked at Harry. "And I take it you're the Snape I was told about?"

"No! I'm Harry Potter!" he said angrily.

"Then what is the meaning of that tattoo on your lower back?" she smirked.

Sure enough, when Harry's pants fell a it off his skinny hips, a tattoo with the word SNAPE encircled with a heart could be seen. Harry winced.

"Well, I was in a very meaningful relationship a long time ago, and-"

"Yeah, yeah, save it for the judge," Agent Black said as she kicked the two men to stand up and handcuffed them.

"But can't you tell? We're both flaming homosexuals!" Draco screamed. "Why would we peddle breasts?"

"You don't need to like 'em to sell 'em," Black said. "How do you think I sold "Blair and Bush in 2004" bumper stickers for my sister awhile back?"

"C'mon, we want to let these other law-abiding citizens enjoy the rest of their meal in peace. C'mon, move it," a very huge man named Officer Goyle grunted as he roughly pushed Harry and Draco outside. Harry nearly rolled his eyes- he was skeptical to how many "law-abiding" citizens would be in a brothel, if even a hidden one.

They could hear Agent Black saying, "We got 'em," into her mouthpiece, and could see her roller-skate out to a patrol car that had sirens blaring and lights flashing. As onlookers gathered in front of the diner to sneak a peak at the commotion, Harry and Draco knew that they had never felt more wronged or humiliated in their whole life.

As they were shoved inside a patrol car, Draco whispered in Harry's ear, "Don't worry, I have an extremely good lawyer, we'll get this whole thing sorted out."

While Sally's Come and Go slowly disappeared from sight, the blonde's stomach growled again, and he realized he still had not eaten. Draco leaned back in his seat, and for the first time in his life, wished he weren't sitting next to a gorgeous man and was in a nail salon. This had to be the WORST first date he had ever been on, and once he had been taken to see _Gigli _when that was in the theaters.

While Harry and Draco were rotting in a holding cell, Pansy, Hermione, and Ginny were finished with their spa treatments, and wondering why each of their respective friends hadn't returned yet.

Having a reason to be together, the three girls stood at the front of the store by their bags and glanced out the window every few seconds.

"Why haven't they come back yet?" Ginny whined. "We can't carry these bags with our freshly done nails, and we can't walk to meet them because we can't put our shoes on!"

"Maybe they're off shagging," Pansy guessed with a smirk on her face.

"No, I don't think so. Harry doesn't usually do that on a first date," Hermione said.

Well, if he's spent more than five minutes in Draco's company, he could very well have shagged and been dressed up in women's underpants by now, Pansy thought, but didn't share this with her new companions.

As they waited, a collective gasp from the salon employees and a stampede to the window alerted them to some kind of happening.

They looked at the telly that had been turned up to top volume, and their mouths dropped open as they watched the footage.

"Notorious fruit-smugglers, drug dealers, and womanizing pimps Malfoy and Snape were arrested at 5:54 pm today at Sally's Come and Go, a brothel located in the upscale Chelsea district of London. According to Agent Sirius Black, who had been undercover as a waitress in the brothel for about six weeks and coordinated the arrest says this seemingly family-friendly diner had been a facade for about three years. Neville Longbottom, our senior reporter, spoke to Agent Black from the police station in Chelsea," an aging news anchor said while the telly showed Harry and Draco being hauled off into a patrol car.

"We're very happy to finally make this arrest. We've been trying to find these guys for months now, and once we found their center of operations, it was as easy as pie to reel them in," Agent Black said with a grin to Neville.

"Have you taken the supposed prostitutes into custody as well?" Reporter Longbottom asked.

"Yes we have, and they will be interrogated shortly after Malfoy and Snape, who are currently being held in a high-security cell in the basement of the station. We don't want these guys escaping!"

"Have you taken the fruit into custody?"

"We have, but they wouldn't talk!" Agent Black said very seriously.

"That's not what I...anyway, if found guilty of the crimes with which they are accused, what could their sentence be?"

"At least 25 years, but our lawyers are damn good, and hopefully the suckers will be in for life," Agent Black said with a disturbing gleam in her eye. "We simply cannot tolerate such a horrible misdeed as fruit smuggling! Think of the children!"

"Are these the only crimes they have committed thus far?"

"As far as we know. We are still investigating the disappearance of Scary and Sporty Spice, the former owners of Sally's Come and Go. We think that Malfoy and Snape may be related."

"Thank you for your time, Agent Black."

"My pleasure," she said, waving at the camera.

Hermione, Ginny, and Pansy stared at the telly like it had grown arms and legs and was dancing about the salon.

"Omigod! Like, omigod! Harry must have changed his name to Snape and become a pimp while we were having our toenails clipped!" Ginny said, still staring at the screen.

Hermione and Pansy rolled their eyes.

"You bumbling idiot, obviously this is all a huge mistake, because if Draco was a womanizing pimp, I would have gotten some a LONG time ago," Pansy said. "This sounds like something his family would do, but not poor Draco!"

"How could they get they wrong guys on an arrest as important as this one? Harry and apparently Draco too, have never been with a woman their whole life! The drug thing is believable, I've seen Harry do some pretty weird shit, but Harry could never sell it! He can't even sell himself!" Hermione fumed.

"We have to go rescue them!" Ginny said excitedly, nearly jumping up and down. "Powerpuff Girls, unite!"

"Uh, no," Pansy said, slowly inching away from the redhead who was skipping about the salon singing the Powerpuff Girl theme song.

"She isn't really this bad most of the time," Hermione whispered. "But I think she got high off the nail polish remover."

"Is that why the lady who gave me my manicure was babbling like a ninny?" Ginny asked, overhearing Hermione's comment and not being coherent enough to recognize the insult.

"She was speaking Vietnamese, Ginny," Hermione said in an exasperated tone.

"Well, they should call it Babblemese, because all I could make of it was blah, yah, blah, babble, won ton, babble-"

"Ok, we get it," Pansy said.

"But she's right, we have to go to the police station right away. That Black woman looked positively venomous!" Hermione said, worried for her friend.

"But we can't go anywhere! What about our nails!" Ginny cried.

"Our friends are being framed for fruit smuggling and prostitution, and you are worried about your effing nails!" Pansy screamed.

Ginny's face was blank for a moment before she burst into tears. "Why is everyone being so mean today? First my freckles, and now this!"

"It's that time of the month again, huh?" Pansy asked Hermione, who nodded in response.

"Come now," Pansy said, trying to comfort an upset Ginny. "There's no need to be so emotional. Your nails should be dry by now, and think about how nice it will be to show them off at the police station!"

"Ok," Ginny sniffled, admiring her toes with much more love than was completely normal.

"What will we do with our bags? Our car is far away from here, and we need to get to the police station as soon as possible!" Hermione panicked.

"I know, I'll get a cab!" Ginny said.

"No, that's fine, we'll find some other way-" Pansy trailed off as Ginny ran out of the salon.

"Ginny wait! You've never hailed a cab before!" Hermione screamed as she ran after the redhead.

"Don't worry, I know what to do!" Ginny yelled back, before throwing herself in front of a passing cab. As she rolled onto the front of the car, the driver stopped abruptly and rushed out of the car.

Hermione and Pansy met him in front of the cab, where an unconscious Ginny lay sprawled on the ground.

"Well, she managed to get one to stop," Pansy said while shrugging her shoulders.

"Ginny Weasley, what am I going to do with you? 'I know what to do' indeed! You're not going to make it to your wedding day, and all of these clothes will have to be returned!" Hermione shrieked.

"I'm so sorry misses, she's only unconscious, I would be happy to take her to the hospital," the cab driver said, looking like he cared more about getting sued than Ginny's health.

"It wasn't your fault, and she'll come to soon. It'll be good to have her unconscious while we deal with the police. It wouldn't be good at all to have one of Harry's friends be high when he's been arrested for drug dealing!" Hermione said, getting more hysterical by the moment.

"Pull yourself together woman!" Pansy said as she shook Hermione. "The only thing we have to worry about now is getting to the police station as soon as possible! C'mon, let's get her into the cab, and then we'll make a plan."

With the cabby's help they threw Ginny into the back seat, grabbed their precious purchases, and sped off to the police station, trying to devise a plan to save Harry and Draco from the terrors of the English penal system and Sirius Black.

Far away in Amsterdam, both dressed in velvet suits, a boa, a large hat with feathers around the trim, and sporting a cane, Malfoy and Snape clinked their glasses in toast as they watched the news over the shoulder of the two women giving them lap dances.

"Move bitch!" Malfoy said, rapping the woman on the shoulder with the cane. "I need to see the telly!"

"Looks like we don it! That'll teach that nigga to show no disrespect to me!" Snape said, taking a swig from his glass as Harry's face especially decorated the screen.

"True dat!" Malfoy said. "Snapefoy Inc. lives on bitches!"

At The Burrow, thoroughly exhausted from their mud-wrestling marathon, Dean and Ron flipped to the news, lounging about the living room in only their knickers.

"Look Ron, Harry's been arrested!" Dean said as they watched the telly in complete shock.

"Omigod! Harry must have changed his name to Snape and become a pimp while we were watching mud wrestling!" Ron said in awe.

Dean looked at Ron for a moment before placing him outside, getting the Weasley's old Ford Anglia and running him over.

**What will happen when the girls visit the police station? Will Dean and Ron also come to Harry and Draco's aid? Who's the "source"? And how are our favorite blonde and brunette fairing in their subterranean cell? Stay tuned to find out!**

**Note: The shoe salesman with a foot fetish was stolen from Sex and the City, and of course, the title was a play on the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie "When Harry Met Sally". No fake orgasms in the diner this time though! (Although someone somewhere in this diner was having a real one!) Sorry for the stereotypes, but they're fun...**

**Reviews appreciated, but not necessary! No horrible flames...it's my time of the month:) But I guess I could tolerate nicer ones...**


	2. Gentlemen and Gentlewomen Prefer Blondes

Title: When Harry Met Draco

Chapter 2: Gentlemen and Gentlewomen Prefer Blondes

Disclaimer: slaps face Do I need to do this again?

Other: This story is not intended to offend anyone. Stereotypes are the spice of life! And a special thank you to Ms. Britney Spears. You've inspired me…well, at least the last sentence anyways.

"Hello boys," a gruff but strangely effeminate voice said. Draco and Harry jumped.

"Okay, you have one phone call, now, you hear? You can call anyone you want, your momma, your daddy, your momma's daddy, your baby momma, whatever you want, okay baby? I'm just gonna let you out now, one at a time, now, alright? Now who's coming first?"

The onslaught of information they had just received, given to them by a large, tall black man with a wrist so limp it hung to his knees and bright pink lipstick left the boys unsure, and confused. Draco looked at Harry. Harry looked at Draco.

"I'll go," Draco finally said. "I'll call my lawyer. She can sort things out."

"Alright, good luck," Harry replied, patting Draco's arm awkwardly as he left the cell.

Harry heard a resounding slap and squeak, followed by a chuckle from the guard.

_Meanwhile..._

"Excuse me sir, I don't mean to bother you, but we really are in a hurry, and I'm not familiar with this route to the prison," Hermione said worriedly, scrunching the hair of the still-unconscious Ginny in her lap.

"Oh, don't worry miss. My dispatcher said there's a road block up ahead, I have to take the long way."

"Oh dear," Hermione sighed, leaning back into her seat.

_Approaching the airport, all signs clear._

The cabbie smiled. Perfect.

"Bloody fucking piece of fucking motherfucking shit!" Ron yelled, crumbled into a ball on the Weasleys' lawn. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Fucking running me over with the fucking piece of fucking shit car!"

"Stop complaining! We've got to get to London!" Dean yelled to his friend. "We've got to save Harry and find the girls!"

"I don't give a fucking shit about the fucking whores and Harry fucking Potter."

"Well, if Hermione doesn't come back you won't be fucking any fucking anything," Dean said.

Ron quickly packed his things and jumped in the car.

"Ron, do you have any condoms?"

"What the hell do you need those for?"

"What about some lubricant?"

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

Dean walked in front of the passenger side window, holding a dildo and a bag of sugar.

"I am prepared to do anything to save Ginny," Dean said seriously.

Ron stared incredulously at the dildo. "That's a lot of anything, mate."

_Meanwhile..._

"Yes, this is Draco Malfoy, I'm calling for Bonnie Mockeran. Yes, I'll hold," Draco sighed. He glanced over at the guard, who was reading a magazine. Draco glanced at the title. _Dominating Blondes Using A Lantern, Stapler, and Exercise Ball: A How-To Guide. _

Draco gulped.

"Now who's this? Who's calling Bonnie Mockeran?" a voice screeched through the phone.

Draco, startled, talked slowly into the phone. "This is Draco Malfoy, Ms. Mockeran. My father is one of your clients."

There was a pause. "That's who you are? I'm supposed to know you because of your daddy? Why does everyone think I know their daddy? I don't even know my daddy, psh, my daddy didn't know his daddy either-"

"Ms. Mockeran, my father is Abracadabra Malfoy. You just recently settled his divorce to my mother, Narcassisiacaissia Malfoy."

"Oh yeah, oh yeah puddin', I remember that now. You were the sweet-assed little blonde that was up in here."

Draco was speechless.

"Maybe you should come in for a private consultation," Bonnie said, her voice low and strangely gruff.

"I'm…afraid…I can't, Ms. Mockeran. That's why I'm calling. I'm in jail," Draco said softly.

"Psh, was your ass too sweet to walk the street? I bet some horny-assed copper saw you and said, 'Damn, I'd like that white chocolate up in my jail cell,'" Bonnie said, laughing loudly into the phone.

"Now," she said, "what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything! I was falsely accused of illegal fruit-smuggling and housing prostitutes in a rundown diner!" Draco said tensely.

"Fruit-smuggling! I haven't had a case like that in thirty years! Well now, Bonnie Mockeran better come down to that jail cell and see you about a crime that!"

"Oh, thank you Ms. Mockeran, thank you so much, I appreciate it," Draco said, somewhat relieved.

"I'll be down there soon," she said, and hung up.

Draco hung up the phone and looked to the guard. He had apparently gone through the first magazine and moved on to another, _Blondes on Blondes in Banks: How to Stage a Sexy Bank Robbery Using Two Blondes, a Lantern, a Stapler, and an Exercise Ball_.

The guard looked up, grinned and threw the magazine on the floor.

"You done baby?" the guard asked.

"Yes, I am," Draco replied tiredly.

"Alright, now let's put you back and get your friend for his call, alright sugar?"

Draco and the guard walked to the cell, Draco nonchalantly holding his ass in both hands. Harry was relieved to see Draco return.

"How did the phone call go?" Harry asked.

"Well, she's coming down to see us, so that's pretty good, I guess."

"Alright, enough chatting, it's your turn," the guard said, turning towards Harry.

"That's ok…I don't need to make a phone call," Harry said, looking down at the floor.

"You don't?" Draco asked. "What about the girl you were with today?"

"Doesn't have a cell phone."

"Your lawyer?"

"Don't have one."

"Your parents?"

Harry looked at Draco. "Don't have any."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Draco whispered. He moved closer to Harry.

"Well, I guess I'll leave you two sweet cake cherry tart pies here then," the guard said, and casually a small cube into the cell. The boys didn't notice.

"I'm sorry about your parents," Draco said.

"It's ok," Harry replied.

"When did they….leave you?" Draco asked.

"Seven years ago."

"What happened?"

"They were book publishers. One day they went into the factory to check on the production of a new book, one that they had written together and used to tell me at bedtime."

"What was the story about?" Draco asked, curious about Harry's story, and wanting to hear Harry's deep voice as much as he could.

"It was about a boy who discovers that he can do magic, and goes to a special school for wizards. He makes a lot of enemies, and in the end, has to defeat the man who killed his parents."

"Sounds like a piece of shit," Draco said.

"Yeah, I never liked the story much either," Harry admitted. "Nobody would have read it."

"You still haven't told me what happened that day," Draco prodded.

"Oh, well, my dad went to look closer at the bindings, and he tripped and fell into a large paper shredder underneath the machinery."

"Oh my goodness!" Draco gasped. "That's awful!"

"Yes, and my mother jumped in after him."

Draco couldn't help but give Harry a hug, and soon, the two boys were holding each other. The cube lay motionless at their feet.

_Meanwhile..._

Ginny had finally awoken and was chewing on Hermione's thumb. Hermione was talking to herself.

Pansy observed the two girls from the other side of the cab. "I'm glad I'm not putting it in those two," she said to herself.

"Hey, asshole, are we there yet?" Pansy asked the cabbie.

"Not yet, but I called Corkie and he'll have your fried green tomatoes when we reach Heathrow."

"Excellent."

_Meanwhile..._

Dean waited impatiently.

"How hard is it to make a fucking quarter pounder with cheese?" he yelled into the drive through window.

_Meanwhile..._

"And who are you miss?"

"It's Bonnie bitch."


	3. McDonald's and Rescue Missions Don't Mix

-1Title: When Harry Met Draco

Chapter 3: McDonald's and Rescue Missions Don't Mix

Disclaimer: Big surprise, I don't own these characters!

Harry and Draco cuddled comfortably in the cell, and they slept for a half an hour before being awakened.

"What have we got here now?" a voice said loudly. "My little blondie's a homo, huh? Well, Bonnie Mockeran can do something about _that_, I think."

"I don't think so, Ms. Thing," the guard sniped.

"What you gonna do about it? I'll beat your ass so hard you won't feel anything beatin' on it for the rest of your pathetic little life, now what-"

"Ms. Mockeran!" Draco yelled. "There's no need to argue. I'm flattered by your attention, but I'm…already dating someone! And besides, you're here to get me out of jail!"

"Who you dating, sugar?" the guard asked curiously.

"Him," Draco said quickly, pointing at Harry. Harry opened his mouth, but then just stared at Draco dreamily. Bonnie and the guard looked at Harry.

"Who's he?" Bonnie asked.

"He's Harry Potter. He was accused of the same things as I- they think we're partners!"

"Well now, I guess then Bonnie Mockeran has more work to do than she thought," Bonnie said. "C'mon now, we better get to strategizin'."

Draco sighed in relief, and he and Harry, handcuffed, were escorted out of their cell to speak to Ms. Mockeran…privately.

_Meanwhile…_

"Heathrow! That's no where near the prison!" Hermione screamed, taking Ginny's head and shaking it. "Tell me sir, where are we going? What are you thinking?!"

At once, Pansy jumped from her place on the other side of the cab and sprayed liquid into the other girls' faces. They fell unconscious at once.

"Excellent work, Ms. Pansy," the cabbie said.

"Shut it and drive, Corkie. The plane is set to leave in thirty minutes."

Pansy's phone rang.

"Hello? Yes, yes, we're on our way. Yes, we've got the bitches. Almost to Heathrow. What? But-"

Pansy sighed. "Fine, alright. Bye, _sir_."

Closing her phone, she said to Corkie, "Drop me off here and take these two. I have another thing to take care of."

_Meanwhile…_

"Ungh," Dean moaned, clutching his stomach with one hand and driving with the other. "I think I ate a wee bit more than I should've."

Ron sat munching his twelfth quarter pounder. "We're going to need our strength," Ron said with his mouth full.

"I guess so." Dean sighed. "I hope Harry's ok."

"I'm sure he's fine," Ron said, taking a swig from his third large Coke. "You know how prisons are, everyone dropping the soap and whatever. He'll probably be pissed when we try to get him out."

Dean stared at Ron. "I think it's best if you just stay quiet for the rest of the trip," Dean said.

"Whatever you say mate."

_Meanwhile…_

Harry and Draco sat in an examination room with Bonnie Mockeran. The boys were handcuffed to their respective chairs, with the guard looking on behind them. Bonnie sat across from the boys.

"Well, I don't get the opportunity to sit across from two beautiful handcuffed boys very often," Bonnie said. "Maybe after we discuss the case, we can.." She winked.

Draco and Harry looked at the size of the woman's bosom and hands. They looked at her mouth with teeth as sharp as a wolf's. Harry and Draco were very, very afraid.

"Now boys, what we have to show is that you have no connection to this brothel-diner. What was the name again?"

"Sally's Come and Go," Draco answered.

"Had you ever visited the establishment before?"

"No, it was my first time." Draco looked to Harry.

"It was my first time too," Harry added. "We were really hungry, and it was the closest place to eat."

"It is an odd coincidence that a Snape and Malfoy are connected to this, and with your situation…" Bonnie stopped. "Wait, your last name be Potter, right? How are you involved with this?"

Harry sighed. "I would show you, but the handcuffs don't allow it."

"Hmm, I see," Bonnie said. "What about you, Draco? Does anyone in your family have a history of crime?"

"Not that I know of."

"No distant relatives you've heard rumors about?"

"I don't think so. The only relative I had like that was my Aunt Scary Spice. And of course, she ended up missing."

Harry stared at Draco. "Scary Spice is your aunt?"

"Yes," Draco answered.

"Wasn't she connected to the diner somehow? Didn't we hear the police…?"

Draco's eyes lit up. "Yes, we did! When Agent Black was handcuffing us, and when we had our mug shots taken."

"I bet she's connected to the people who framed us!"

"Hold on now, hold on now," Bonnie said. "I'm the one solvin' the case here."

Harry and Draco quieted.

"Scary Spice be your aunt, Dracalicious?"

"Yes."

"And she be missin'?"

"Yes."

Bonnie sat back in her chair. "Looks like we've got a sista' to find."

_Meanwhile…_

Hermione awoke in a dark room. She felt a warm body next to her, and by the snores, knew it was Ginny. Hermione suddenly heard a constant, rumbling noise, and felt the floor beneath her shake.

'_What the bloody hell? Are…are we on a plane?!' _Hermione thought, and panicked with the realization. She tried to stand up, but fell back down when two very solid handcuffs stopped her.

'_Oh my God! What the hell is going on here!' _

She shook the sleeping girl next to her.

"Ginny, Ginny wake up!" Hermione whispered. The girl didn't stir.

"Ginny Weasley! Wake up!" she said a bit louder, her voice urgent.

"Mm, Momma, is my hot chocolate ready?" Ginny said sleepily.

Hermione took her head and banged it on the floor. Ginny came to very fast.

"What the hell? Who did that?"

"It's me, you idiot!" Hermione whispered back angrily.

"The Easter Bunny?!" Ginny said with awe.

"No, Hermione! Listen to me. We're on a plane, and we're handcuffed. We've been kidnapped!"

"Well, that was an awfully good nap I had," Ginny said contentedly.

Hermione said nothing. She calmly took Ginny's head, and loud thud reverberated throughout the room. The snores followed soon after.

Hermione sat back against the wall. She heard footsteps near her, and a light shone through when a door was opened.

A man was in the threshold. He was tall, brunette, and gorgeous.

"Hello Ms. Granger," he said.

"Who the hell are you? Where are you taking us?" Hermione yelled, her eyes narrowed.

"Calm down, Ms. Granger. Relax. Here's some grub for you."

"You think I'm stupid enough to eat that?" Hermione said.

"Ms. Granger, we have no intention of poisoning you. It's normal airplane food."

"Even worse!" Hermione said, and pulled on her chains. "Let us out!"

"Soon enough, Ms.Granger. Soon enough."

_Meanwhile…_

Dean and Ron were nearing London, and their anxiety had increased dramatically. Dean drove fast on the highway, and Ron held his stomach, the sharp passes and speed making him nauseous.

"We're almost there, mate," Dean said, his hands tight on the steering wheel. "We should be at the prison in 45 minutes."

Ron nodded, and looked into the windshield. He saw on the side of the road up ahead a spot of red that grew bigger as they neared it. One hundred meters away, he saw that it was a very attractive brunette, in a short red dress. Her arms were wrapped around her, and by her proximity to the road, it appeared that she was trying to catch a ride. An old white van was near her, and the hood was smoking.

"Dean, look! That woman needs help," Ron said.

"We don't have time to bloody help anyone!" Dean responded angrily.

"But what if she's in the same boat as us! Pull over!"

"So everyone in bloody London has a friend in jail for prostitution and fruit-smuggling, eh?" Dean said sarcastically.

"Just pull over, wanker!" Ron yelled, the good Samaritan in him taking over. Not to mention his penis.

"Fine, fine!" Dean pulled over in front of the woman. The men got out of the car, and walked to the woman.

"Are you alright miss? Looks like you've got some car trouble," Dean said. Ron looked at the woman, a string of saliva at the corner of his mouth.

"Yes," the woman said, her voice feminine and pained. "I was driving, and suddenly I heard a noise, like something exploding under the hood, and I pulled over as fast as I could. The car won't start. My cell phone doesn't get service here, and I've been waiting for someone to pull over for an hour," she said, tears brimming in her eyes.

"That's rotten luck, miss," Dean said. He looked at his watch. He knew they had to get to the prison, but he couldn't leave this woman stranded.

"I'm rather handy with cars, I could take a look at it for you," Dean said.

"Oh, that would be fantastic," she sniffed. "It's my dad's van, and I know he has some tools in the back."  
"Alright, let me take a look at what you have," Dean said, and he and Ron followed the woman to the back of the van. Dean opened the door, and instead of tools, Dean found two large men. Before he could say anything, the woman had pushed Dean and Ron closer, and the two men pulled them roughly into the back of the van.

"What the-" Dean started, but the door was slammed in his face, and his hands and feet were quickly tied, a gag was stuffed in his mouth, and a blindfold was tied around his head. By the moans coming from next to him, he could tell Ron was no better off. The engine started, quite nicely, and soon, they were driving down the highway.

_Meanwhile…_

Harry and Draco were returned to their cell. Bonnie had reassured them she would take their case and have her "people" begin the search for Scary Spice. The boys weren't too convinced, but at this point, with Draco's parents on vacation in a remote part of Africa and Harry's parents in a remote part of a shredding machine, they had little choice.

"Bloody hell," Draco sighed, and rested his head on Harry's shoulder. Harry looked at the blonde. He wrapped his arm around Draco and pulled him closer. Draco rested in Harry's lap.

"You're comfy," Draco said.

Harry smiled, and was glad that even though he was in jail for a crime he didn't commit, he was in jail with a guy like Draco.


	4. Hostage Situations

-1Title: When Harry Met Draco

Chapter 4: Hostage Situations

Disclaimer: Je n' own pas.

"Ms. Granger, that face you're making really is quite unbecoming," the gorgeous man informed Hermione, who was snarling at the plate in front of her.

"Is it really? Maybe next time I'll freshen up before I'm kidnapped!" Hermione snapped. "Who the hell are you anyways?"

"Ms. Granger, do you really expect me to divulge my name? Don't you watch movies or television? The bad guy never tells his victim his name- that would be foolish."

"The next time a hostage situation becomes integral to the plot of _Friends_, I'll let you know!"

"Ms. Granger, really, you're not in that bad of a rut. I mean, you are on a private, posh jet, seated on leather. You should really take your friend's example," the man said, looking to Ginny. The redhead was calmly sitting next to the window, drawing smiley faces in the condensation and making fish faces.

Hermione looked to the man. "Listen here. I have done nothing in my entire life that would make be a desirable kidnapping victim."

The man chuckled. "Ms. Granger-"

"Would you stop calling me that!"

"I'm just trying to be polite."

"You've _kidnapped _me! I think the time for cordiality is far behind us!"

"Fine, _Hermione_, we have not and will not ever treat you unreasonably…."

The man continued speaking, but Hermione wasn't conscious of it. At the sound of the man's voice speaking her name, she fell into a sort of nauseous stupor. A good nauseous stupor. An unbelievable nauseous stupor. She looked at the man. He was gorgeous, tall, brunette, well-built. Sort of like Harry, whom she had always fancied a bit… and nothing like Ron. The man continued speaking.

_'What the hell are you thinking, Hermione? He's kidnapped you, for Chandler's sake!'_

The man had finished speaking, and finding Hermione unresponsive, felt he had put her right and left the room. Hermione turned to Ginny, who was looking at Hermione with a happy, unperturbed expression.

"He's a nice fellow," Ginny observed.

"Shut up," Hermione huffed.

_Meanwhile…_

Dean and Ron found themselves in a similar predicament to their significant others. While they were still fettered, now to each other, their blindfolds had been removed and they could see they were in a well-decorated flat.

"What of it? What the bloody hell have you done with us?" Dean demanded of the woman in the red dress, at whom Ron was looking with the same expression he had graced his many quarter pounders.

"Oh shut it," Pansy said flippantly. "Isn't it obvious? You've been kidnapped."

"I bloody know that, but _why_?!"

Pansy sat across from them, crossing her legs and beginning to file her nails.

"Look, your questions are cute and all, but you can't really expect an answer," Pansy replied. She looked to the two large men, who were seated a few feet away. "What is it with hostages these days? Can't scare them stupid anymore. Darius says he's been having trouble with one of the bitches he's got."

"So you make a habit of this?" Dean asked fiercely.

"More like a career," Pansy answered.

A phone rang, and Pansy reached to her purse and removed a small silver cell phone.

"Hello? Oh, Darius, it's you." Pansy's lips curved into a smirk and her voice lowered. "Hmm, you're right, but there's time for that later." She looked to Dean and Ron. "Oh yes, I think he would much enjoy that, if he could take his eyes off me," Pansy laughed. "But I'm all for psychological turmoil. Put her on."

Pansy walked to Ron, and put the phone to his ear. His eyes widened, and were quickly torn away from Pansy's decent sized bosom.

"Hermione! What, where are you? What's going on? Are you okay?" Ron asked, becoming anxious. Dean started at Hermione's name.

"They've got Hermione too! Do they have Ginny? Is Ginny okay?" Dean asked, alarmed.

"Hermione says Ginny's okay," Ron answered. "They're on a plane…they're forcing her to eat awful food, they won't tell her anything."

"What's Ginny doing?"

Ron asked. "She's counting her toes," Ron replied.

"I love it when she does that," Dean breathed. He turned to Pansy. "You've got the girls too! Why all of this?! Are you going to hurt them?"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Pansy said nonchalantly, taking the phone away from Ron. "Put Darius on," she commanded.

"Twenty minutes? Excellent," Pansy said contentedly after a few moments. "See you tomorrow, I'll be waiting," Pansy nearly whispered, her lips puckering seductively.

She closed the phone. "Get them into the van. We're heading out."

_Meanwhile…_

Harry and Draco, well-rested and a little frisky, remained in their cell, chatting quietly. Draco was surprised he wasn't more upset, but after talking to Harry, he had gained a little more faith in Bonnie. Anyone who wanted his ass as much as she did wouldn't feed him to the dogs.

The guard, whose name they were finally told (Fabian), skipped to their cell. "Got some snacks for ya boys."

Once he had left, Fabian walked to his desk at the end of the hall. By the hour, it was clear that Harry and Draco were getting closer and closer, and he had seen every bit of it. Fabian sat back in his chair contentedly, watching the boys eat and cuddle. "That cube was the best thing I've ever created," he said smugly.

Fabian's phone rang, and when he answered, discovered it to be Bonnie Mockeran. "Why, hello Bonnie. Been mooching off any other blonde ass since you were here?" he asked innocently.

"Don't give me none of that now, these are serious times. Tell the boys I will be back in two days with information. I've got all my people on this case, and two days should be plenty of time for them to get enough dirt for a meetin'."

"Alright Bonnie, I'll let them know."

Fabian smirked and hung up. He quickly dialed a number on his cell.

"It's Fabian. The Mockeran woman called me, and she's coming in two days for a meeting with Potter and Malfoy," he whispered.

_"You know what to do, Fabian. Get the woman and the gits to the right place in two days' time, do you hear?"_

"Yes, of course," Fabian said. "I can't wait to stop acting like this awful flouncy poofter I've been sashaying around as."

_"Well keep doing it for now. It will make the execution of your plan easier."_

"Of course," Fabian answered with a sigh. "Until next time."

_'Two more days, only two, Fabian,' _he thought, and was glad that Mockeran's "people" were as efficient as they were.

_Meanwhile…_

Hermione and Ginny were both relieved and alarmed. Hearing Ron's voice had reassured Hermione, and quelled the nagging feeling of attraction for the gorgeous man.

Hermione had not thought of Harry and his situation, but now he popped into her mind and she groaned. What was the boy going to do? He had no parents, no siblings to get him through this. She didn't know anything about Draco. She hoped that everything had been smoothed over, for their sake at least- Harry was the only intelligent person they knew.

The gorgeous man appeared before her.

"I bet you're ready for a trip to the loo," he said. "How about it?"

"I suppose," Hermione said under her breath, standing. The gorgeous man, Darius to everyone but Hermione, took her arm and led her to the small toilet. Outside of the vestibule, Darius removed her handcuffs and pushed her lightly in. To her surprise, he followed.

He locked the door to the vestibule and pushed Hermione against a wall.

"I'm glad your little friend is so harmless," Darius breathed inches from Hermione's face. "Or else I couldn't leave her to do this."

Hermione turned her head when Darius made for her lips.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Hermione screeched.

"What does it look I'm doing? I'm…taking advantage of the situation," he said with a malicious curve of the lips.

"I have a boyfriend," Hermione replied instinctively, although even in this peculiar place she know found herself in, the comforts of home were being washed out by Darius' warm breath.

"Hm, I know, Ron is it? Well, at least you have a good excuse," he reasoned, her struggles not keeping his lips from her neck. Darius was big, and pressed against the wall of the vestibule, she could feel his entire body. Hard thighs, hard chest…She looked at him straight on, at his eyes. She stopped struggling. She relaxed, calculating. He was right…she did have a good excuse.

She put her arms around the man's waist and slammed him into her, and he kissed her hard. Darius found her breasts with little effort, and found them to be quite full and flushed. He removed her sweater, and her chest was an epicenter of activity. Darius looked quite delicious naked, and Hermione soon found herself on bended knee, for the first time in her life taking a cock into her mouth with absolute vigor.

'_Now I know why Ron always wanted to play hostage and kidnapper.'_

_Meanwhile…_

Dean and Ron, sullen in their own airplane, sat silently. Pansy laid out and slept, unworried about the men near her.

"Don't you think Heathrow would be a bit curious as to why all of these private planes are disembarking today- after being met with an unmarked van, no less?" Dean asked after awhile.

"You'd think so, mate. I guess I know where I'm taking my hostages in the future."

Dean sighed. "What the hell do they want with a couple of blokes from Surrey?"

"And our girlfriends," Ron added.

"Yeah, you're right. They must be really afraid…I miss Ginny so much."

"I miss Hermione," Ron said, and Pansy's body then didn't seem to do much for him.

_Meanwhile…_

"Oh, yes, please, don't stop!"

_Meanwhile…_

Harry and Draco had been informed of Bonnie's plan, and had been allowed to walk around a bit and take care of their loo matters. Back in their cell, with two days of nothing ahead of them, they resorted to the only activities available: arm-wrestling, thumb-wrestling, and Truth or Dare, shortened to simply Truth in light of their current vicinity.

"Have you ever fucked in public?"

"Have you ever eaten pussy?"

"Did you ever cheat on a test?"

"Have you ever been in love?"

It was Draco who had asked that question, and nuzzled in Harry's arm pit, he looked up at the brunette, his eyes curious.

"Yes…I suppose that's why I'm in this mess," Harry answered. "I fell in love with Snape…Severus is his first name…when I was 21. He had comforted me after my parents died…and after that time with him, I couldn't see myself being with anyone else."

"Why did the relationship end?" Draco asked.

"One night…I got drunk…and I slept with another man," Harry said dejectedly. "Of course, I felt guilty afterwards, and still drunk, got the tattoo on my back."

Harry looked to Draco. "I had to tell him. He threw me out. Luckily, my friends Hermione and Ron took me in, and I started working and living in Surrey." Draco put his hand on Harry's chest in sympathy, but didn't say anything until a half an hour had passed.

"Why were you in London then?"

"Ginny, the redhead from the nail salon, remember? She's getting married in a month, and we were doing the dress shopping. She insisted on going to London for it."

"Bloody women and their dresses," Draco murmured, for some reason feeling sleepy once again.

"Mm," Harry agreed. Draco looked up at Harry, his eyes blue and clear. Harry leaned forward and lightly touched Draco's lips with his.

"More," Draco said softly.

"Not yet," Harry said. "Not yet."


	5. Sugar and Spice

Title: When Harry Met Draco

Chapter 5: Sugar and Spice

Disclaimer: Je n' own pas.

"I'll be sendin' Millard to pick you up," Snape answered, lying contentedly on a divan, a sexy brunette in his lap. He closed his cell phone and laid back, grinning. "It's all workin' out so nicely, I ain't have to do anything."

He looked down at the young man in his lap. "Mm, Joseph, give Daddy some sugar."

The young man smiled and took a sugar cube off a plate near the divan. "Neigh like a horsie, like Joseph likes, okay Daddy?"

Snape whinnied obediently, and Joseph placed the sugar cube on the older man's tongue.

"Shut up!" Malfoy called from the other side of the room. "I'm trying to sleep here."

"Ain't that just like you, sleepin' when we be getting' two planes' worth of hostages in a few hours. Ain't it just like you!"

"Do you remember the deal we made? You make the arrangements and I get to torture the hostages!" Malfoy argued.

"Yeah, yeah," Snape replied. "More sugar, Joseph."

_Meanwhile…_

Hermione was awoken by a male hand on her forehead. "We've arrived, it's time to get off the plane," Darius said softly. "I'll have to put these back on, common sense and everything," he said timidly, snapping the handcuffs back on her wrists. He tied a blindfold around her head, and she was led off the plane, with Ginny in tow, to the back of a black Mercedes sedan.

"Hello, Millard," Darius greeted.

"Hello, sir, how was your flight?"

"Just…fantastic," he said, and Hermione grinned.

"We should be on our way, you know how the bosses don't like to be kept waiting."

"You're right, Millard. Are the others on their way?"

"They're three hours away, Hubert will be taking them to the location. They had a bit of turbulence over the Sahara that delayed them a bit."

_'The Sahara!' _Hermione thought in awe. _'I've been fucking my way around the world without even knowing it!'_

"Ah, I know it well. Let's get these two to settled, shall we?"

"Of course, sir."

_Meanwhile…_

"A _bit _of tubulence!" Dean shouted, his arms held over his head to protect from the falling bottles of tequila and whiskey. "I'd say this was a little more than a _bit _of turbulence!"

"Oh, shut it," Pansy said. "It's just a bit of a shake- I've got vibrators with more oomph than this _turbulence_."

"Thanks for sharing that in the wake of an imminent concussion!" Dean snapped, Jose Cuervo nearly slicing his head in two.

"Thanks for sharing, period," Ron added.

"Look, man up, will ya? We'll be on the ground in three hours, and there's a lengthy journey after that, let me tell you."

Dean grabbed a fallen bottle of liquor close to him and took a big swig.

"If I'm going to have to suffer through this, I might as well have a bit of fun!"

"That's the spirit," Pansy said, taking the bottle from Dean and imbibing thoroughly. "You've got spirit."

_Meanwhile…_

"Harry," Draco whined playfully as the bigger man nipped at his lip. "That pervy guard could walk by and see us!"

"Mm," Harry replied, kissing Draco's neck and ear.

"Really, Harry, you know how jealous he gets…"

"Fine," Harry sighed. He squeezed Draco's shoulder. "How about a massage?"

"Harry, I...I really think we should wait. The reason we're in this whole mess is because we met and...there was something. I don't want that something to be gone after all this is over, just because we rushed...you know?"

Draco lowered his eyes. "I...I really like you."

"I like you too," Harry replied softly. "But you can't expect me to stay in a jail cell with such a beautiful man and not touch him."

"If we wait...it will be even better when we get out. Do you really want our first time to be on the floor of a jail?"

"No, I guess not," Harry answered. He took Draco's hand. "You promise me one thing though."

"What?" Draco asked curiously.

"As soon as we get out, on the minute, you let me take you home and make love to you."

Harry looked at Draco fiercely with a passion that made Draco unable to form a response.

"I, yes, sure, oh, Harry!" Draco bit his lip. "This is going to be really hard."

"It already is," Harry replied, his tender face turning to a smirk.

Draco looked down. "Oh help me, Jesus," he exclaimed under his breath. "This will be very hard...very, very...hard."

_Meanwhile..._

"We've been at it all day, Ms. Mockeran, and we have accumulated no information, outside of a police report and a missing person ad, on Scary Spice."

"Well, I tell you what I want, what I really, really want, you crackas. I told Puddin' I would be back in two days with information and I _will _be back in two days! Get back to it! Have you called Sammie yet?"

"He was busy when we called..."

"Well, call him again! That boy's as stupid as anything but he's in the know on these things. He can sniff out a busty sista from miles away. He's our man, you get him now."

"Yes, Ms. Mockeran."

"Alright, now, I'll be in my office. I'm gonna try and sweet-talk one of the judges. He's been after me, and if I play my cards right, Puddin' and his friend might get off with nothin'!"

Bonnie's assistants looked at her and nodded. Bonnie entered her office and closed the doors.

A low, "It's Bonnie, Hunkie," emanated from the doors, and the assistants quietly moved their work to another part of the floor.

_Meanwhile..._

"More sugar, Joseph."

"You've had fifty cubes already, Daddy, don't you think you should stop?"

"Did I hear what I thought I heard? Malfoy, did I hear what I thought I heard?"

"Who cares," Malfoy grumbled.

"Did I just hear a _bitch _telling me what they _thought_? Bitches don't have no thoughts, and you better be learnin' that now, or yo ass will be in line with the bitches we got comin' soon!"

Jospeh trembled and nestled his head in Snape's lap. "I'm sorry, Daddy."

"You better be- now _what _did I tell you to do?"

"Of course, Daddy, of course." Joseph got a cube of sugar and once again placed it on Snape's tongue.

"Now give Daddy some sugar!" Joseph once again reached for the bowl, but Snape pushed his arm away.

"No baby, some _sugar_."


End file.
